Offering Choices to Kiddos...Is it Smart, or is it Not Unwise?

Funny mom, Sarah Maizes, just posted a blog pondering, "Is Yelling the New Spanking?"  http://www.mommyliteonline.com/2012/02/is-yelling-new-spanking.html I think most moms (and dads) can relate to her frustrations related to getting kids out the door on time, with homework and lunches complete.  I've copied my response to her below because I think it's applicable to all parents out there! What do you think?

Great post because every parent struggles with this -- getting kids to do exactly what we want when we want them to and not freaking out when they don't, that is. I learned very quickly that so much of what worked when I was teaching kids works on my own kids, which is so weird because I thought my students were such little aliens. Anyway, one key takeaway was offering choices, one of which is a miserable choice and the other of which is the one you want the kid to choose. (i.e. do you want this peanut butter sandwich that I just made or do you want to make your own lunch with the leftover Brussels sprouts?) Kids like to feel empowered no matter what age so giving them the choice is a true win-win! Hope this helps! 

Sharing Isn't as Simple as it Used to Be....What do you do?

This is more about parenting and less about teaching and education, and I want to hear your thoughts. 

When did sharing and playdates get so complicated?

I've recently found myself in situations where my 2 year old is playing with friends' children, and I disagree with how the other childrens' parents discipline (or don't discipline).  For example, Katie (she's mine) was playing with a puzzle and her friend just up and took the puzzle from her.  Katie, nonagressive as she is, just looked baffled and shocked.  The friend's mom looked at me and said, "X is the 3rd child; she has learned how to fend for herself and get what she wants."  I'm sorry, what?  If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have insisted Katie return the puzzle to X, along with an apology.  So, what do you do in a situation like that?

What's worse, what if your own child starts acting noticeably different after a playdate with such a friend?  Katie is really good about saying please, thank you, waiting her turn, etc., but after playing with some of my friends' kids, she seems to "forget" how to do these things.  Granted, it is a temporary amnesia, but I don't like it (enough so that I have considered not allowing Katie to play with these kids on a regular basis).  [Yes, I know this sounds really over-the-top, so keep me in check here].

I guess the bottom line question is...is it OK to discipline someone else's kids?  I feel like it's not really my place to talk to other parents' kids about sharing, but I don't want to give my own daughter the impression that it's OK, either.  I think I can honestly say that I'd want the other parent to warmly, but sternly correct my child if she were the one who was not sharing/hitting, etc.  I'm not fooling myself into thinking Katie hasn't done some of these things on occasion; I just think I'm usually there to correct her on the spot.

As a teacher, I was able to be unbiased, so I could correct kids without thinking twice about it.  But now that it's my own child and someone else's, I'm stuck. 

Thanks for sharing! I'm dying to hear how you handle these situations!

Make Math (Even) More Magical!

We all know kids learn more when they're having fun (I feel like a broken record saying that over and over and over again), so let your little Einsteins go hog-wild with this fun math game!

Write each digit 0-9 on its own scrap of paper and have your kids crumple them up. 

Depending on the age/math proficiency of your kids, have them choose between 2-5 scraps from the pile.  Tell them their job is to use each of the numbers they have randomly chosen in a math expression, working toward some goal (largest sum, an even number, a multiple of 12) that you set.

So, for example, if you have a 5th grader, you may say to him, "Pick 4 scraps of paper.  Make (two) 2-digit numbers that, when added together, give you the largest sum possible."  If your child pulls a 2, 4, 1 and 5, let him play around with the numbers realizing that it doesn't make sense to make the numbers 24 and 15 (sum of 39), when he could make 51 and 42 and get a sum of 93.  Would changing the numbers to 52 and 41 change the sum?  Why or why not?

If you have a 1st grader, change the game to something like, "Pick 3 scraps of paper and add all of the numbers together".  While this may not seems exceptionally fun to adults, most kids will like the novelty of moving the papers around and the fact that they're written on pieces of paper instead of a math worksheet.

Other ways you can change this up:
- use a die or 2,3,4, dice to get your random numbers (kids automatically think "game" when dice are involved!)
- have your kids play against one another to get the largest sum and have them explain their thinking ("I made 42 instead of 24 because 42 is a larger number.  A large number plus another large number will get me a larger sum than 2 small numbers added together....")
- add more pieces of paper and have repeated digits
- let your kids set their own goals for the math expression
- have your kids pick 3 pieces of paper randomly and then have the option to choose which number they'd like to have for the 4th digit, depending on that round's goal

What else can you think of to make this math game even more fun!?

House of Cards - Fun, cheap, easy way to learn more about your kids

Here's a fun/easy/cheap/educational activity for all you parents, caregivers and teachers out there!  Give your kiddos a stack of playing cards and a roll of masking tape and tell them that the "best" castle wins.  That's it.  They can't use anything other than the cards and the tape and they have to build a castle. "Best", of course, is relative, so you can judge the winners based on cooperation, design, strength, aesthetics, or give a prize in each category.  Gauge your kids to see what will be best for them.

If you're a teacher, use this as a team-building activity for your cooperative groups.  If you're a parent, use it at a birthday party to keep the kids engaged, or just use it with your own kids and see how creative they can truly be.  The kids can work independently, in small groups, or in large groups.  You'll be amazed what life skills start shining through during this oh-so-simple activity.  If the kids are working in a group, you'll immediately be able to pinpoint "the leaders".  They're the ones who take the masking tape and the stack of cards and demand their teammates listen to their plan before anyone does anything. You'll soon find your creative cats, too.  They're the ones who quietly and artfully create a architectural masterpiece that has multiple levels, staircases, spindles. and use alternating diamond/spade patterns  The peace-makers will emerge, well, as the ones who keep the peace and keep everyone involved.

The great thing is that clean up is easy, the cards can be re-used and this activity can be done repeatedly since no two castles will be the same.

Try it out and share what you find -- we'd love to hear what you discovered about your Aces!

Choices make the world go 'round (and get stuff done!)



Offer choice when trying to
get your child to complete a task that
might be less than desirable.

 I caught myself asking my 21 month old, "Katie, do you want to help Mama clean up your toys?"  I realized immediately I had made a mistake. She may be less than 2, but she's not crazy.  Of course she doesn't want to clean up.  Who does?  She answered, "No!" and ran away. 

I started thinking about I should have and could have phrased the questions differently and better, and was instantly brought back to my teaching days.  Kids, like most everyone, like to feel like they're making their own choices about their actions.  Few people like to be told what they need to do.  Rather than asking a closed, dead-end question like, "Do you want to eat your vegetables?" or "Would you help me clean up this mess?", the better route would be to offer two choices.  "Katie, do you want to eat your green beans or carrots first?" or  "Katie, would you like to pick up your blocks, or do you want to pick up your puzzle pieces?"  That way, the task is getting done, but the child feels like it's on her terms.  Either way, the answer she picks still gets the goal accomplished, but she's not responding to a question that makes her feel trapped.

I used to use this all the time with my 5th and 3rd grade students, so I know it works for kids of all ages.  The next time you're trying to get your child to perform a task that may be less than desirable, try phrasing it as though he has options.  Rather than, "Emma, are you ready to start your homework?", try, "Emma, do you want to do your math homework, or read for 30 minutes first?"  Rather than, "Chris, do you mind taking out the trash?", try, "Chris, would you rather take out the trash or clean the bathroom sink?"

So now, dear readers, I ask, "Would you rather leave a comment on this blog entry or the one that I wrote earlier in the week about sending your kids off to school?"  The choice, is, of course, yours! :)

Sending the Kids Off to School (and You into Depression?)

I read this post from Janice D'Arcy of The Washington Post's OnParenting (http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-parenting/post/the-first-day-of-schools-profound-impact-on-parents/2011/08/16/gIQA5N5aQJ_blog.html) this morning and it really got me thinking about how the first day of school impacts much more than just students.  As a former teacher, I can assure you that your kids are in good hands, but that doesn't change the fact that starting school can be a big step for parents, too!

In her post, D'Arcy writes about how sending her little One off to Kindergarten for the first time is a gut-wrenching, tear-worthy experience, and I think that's something we don't consider often enough.  She mentions that she feels all sorts of guilt and regret for not packing in more activities and time with her child before the "big send-off".  We often hear about "empty nesters", who send their kids off to college, but how often do we allow moms and dads of 4-, 5- and 6-year olds to wallow in the fact that their "babies" are now, and for the next 15 or so years will be, be school-aged?

While I recognize that I'm in a completely different situation, taking my 21 month old to "school" (read: organized playgroup in a local community center on Friday mornings from 9:30-noon) did stir up a few feelings that I wasn't expecting.  You always hear that you shouldn't blink because your babies will be grown up in that time, and I have to say it seems like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital.  Now she's old enough to eat snack, play and be without me for hours at a time?!  I'm thankful she's independent enough to do all of this without me, but I can't help but think that maybe I'm a little too disposable.

I'm sure this is more dramatic than it needs to be, but I do like that D'Arcy was brave enough to speak up about her feelings on sending her child to school for the first time.  What do you think? Have you had similar experiences?  Is it hardest when they first go to Kindergarten, or is middle school the kicker? What about high school and sending your kids off to college?